Re-Parenting Yourself through Movement
There is no such thing as a perfect parent. No matter who raised you or what your family story, you probably didn’t get enough of something on this list:
Attention
Nurturing
Protection
Consistency
Encouragement
Education
Resources
Unconditional love
Play
Compassion
Devotion
Discipline
Acceptance
Belief in you
Celebration of your successes
Quality time
Even adults need those things. They are basic emotional sustenance that all humans need.
Other people can provide some of these things for you, including perhaps your actual parents, if they are still with us. But there are bound to be gaps - and no one can fill those gaps but us.
Re-parenting yourself is consciously choosing to meet your own needs yourself - becoming your own ideal parent for your today self. Re-parenting myself has increased my happiness, independence, maturity and self-efficacy. It reduces resentment, helps me self-heal my trauma, and makes me more resilient to the ups and downs of life.
Here are some things I do to re-parent myself:
Meditate daily for about 10 minutes, sensing my breath going in and out, imagining that my young child self is inside my breath and I am taking care of her. Read more about this.
Notice patterns in my reactions and behaviors, identify those that lead to poor results, and lovingly discipline myself to react differently next time.
Take my inner longings seriously and do my best to make them happen.
Feel my feelings and respond like my ideal parent would. For example, my ideal parent might say, “It’s OK to have those feelings. Let’s really feel them, shall we? What do you feel in your body right now?” When the feelings are well felt, I say to myself, “Okay, what would be some choices for things you can do about this situation?” And go over the options with myself, like my ideal parent would.
Celebrate my successes, even little ones. Say warm, appreciative things to myself when I make any progress at all, as if I were a small child. Why not? It can be done silently.
Do NIA. NIA Technique(™) holistic dance fitness helps me release my inner child, feel my feelings, let my full playful personality come out, comfort myself when I’m down, celebrate when I’m up, and more - all while getting a terrific low-impact whole-body workout. The key is moving with conscious intent. You can consciously choose to imbue your movements with personal meaning, providing for yourself what your ideal parent would provide.
As a NIA teacher, I get to craft meaningful movement experiences and share them with others. My classes bring psychological healing and dance fitness together. And guess what - I have a Self-Mothering class planned for Mother’s Day weekend! On Saturday May 13, I will create a safe online space for this deeply personal work. You will find a fresh new way to meet your own emotional needs, while also getting a nice low-impact workout, in the comfort and privacy of home.
Your mileage may vary. Your needs may be different. But every adult has the responsibility - and the power - to make sure their own needs are met.
So, imagine your ideal parent. What would they be like? Become that person for yourself by taking concrete actions every day. Try different things, and when something works, stick with it. Over time, you will notice positive changes.
Make sure at least ONE of your self-parenting practices involves conscious movement. If it’s only happening in your head, it isn’t really happening. The body is where feelings reside. Sensing your body and moving with conscious intent are tremendously powerful tools for healing and self-support. NIA Technique in particular is an excellent practice for this. Try my online Self-Mothering class Saturday May 13!
